Back to the Empty Room

A little over nine months ago I was moving into my dorm. My life was packed in boxes, the room was empty, and I was terrified. I had just finished the best summer of my life, leading worship in so many different places with some of the best people I knew. I wasn’t ready to give it up, and I was terrified of the uncertainty. I wrote

I’m ready for my second year of college. Ready to start a new major. Ready to be a praise and worship leader. I’m ready for all of the ups and downs this next school year has in store. So give me some time. Let me “grieve” the end of this chapter of my story. But know that I’m so ready for a fresh start. I’m ready for new adventures, and I can’t wait to see how the next chapter is going to be.

I’ve always thought of life in terms of stories, and I love being able to start new chapters. Finishing journals, semesters, and other big events . . .  I love tracking my story and watch it grow. These past nine months have perhaps been the most formative months I’ve experienced in a long time.

I love my new major. I was so nervous for this year; I had switched from digital media to Biblical studies/worship arts, and I was terrified. What if I didn’t like this major? What the heck does one even do with a theology degree? And of course, there are days when I wrestle with doubts about my major or possible vocation (and who doesn’t?) I continue to get more and more excited about what’s to come with this major. I have learned so much about scripture, about the Church, and about how to learn from and love people, no matter what their story is.

I love being a praise and worship leader. Leading a team all on my own as a sophomore was terrifying. I continued to grow so much throughout my time as a leader. It used to take hours and hours to plan a set, and practices felt like a dysfunctional mess. But as the year went on, I was able to determine not only what worked best for me but also what worked best for my team.

This year was beautiful. It was difficult, and it was not without its hardships. But this year I met some of the best people I know, grew closer to friends I’ve had for years, and learned more about myself than I ever have. This year I learned about true love, and no I’m not talking about the Nicholas Sparks kind. The tough, concrete, difficult, and oh-so-beautiful Christ-like kind.

So here I am, just a little over nine months later. My roommate is moved out, our room is back to the default setup, and my life is all packed up in boxes again. Last night I found myself sitting on the floor in the middle of my room, feeling a bit like I did a few months ago: alone and scared of what’s next.

I know my next chapter is going to contain beauty that I cannot even begin to imagine. This is such a poetic end, starting the same way I began. So here I go . . . I’m going to turn the page and start writing the next one. I can’t wait to see what stories unfold.